Letters to Emily
by Hotly81173
Summary: The team gathers around the coffin of Emily Prentiss to say their goodbyes.
1. Chapter 1

**Letters to Emily**

**Summary: The team gathers around the coffin of Emily Prentiss to say their goodbyes.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Sorry but true.**

**Chapter 1**

The mood was somber, the day dreary with the overcast sky as they walked with her to where she would rest. The seven of them stood around, each mourning her in their own way. Each of the seven gathered around; had written her a goodbye letter to be read after the other mourners had left. It would be their own private way of coming together to tell their colleague, their friend goodbye.

Ashley Seaver was the first to step forward and read her letter.

_Emily, I know that we didn't know each other very long but I feel like we were becoming friends. It was you who pushed to have me on the team and I will always be grateful for your quick acceptance of me. I will always be grateful to you for showing me that it was okay to stand up for something you believe in. And look at what that cost you for me to learn that lesson. My deepest regret is not realizing before it was too late. You are truly going to be missed… Love, Ashley._

She sat there in the back of the SUV; the windows blacked out. She watched from across the drive as her family laid her to rest. She watched as they stood around her empty casket, mourning the loss of their friend. She sat there and cried for her friends; cried for the pain she knew she was causing them. She cried and mourned her loss as well. They had lost one person but she… she mourned the loss of seven. Her heart was breaking and she had no one to turn to for comfort.

She watched as Ashley read from something in her hand; watched as she finished and put whatever it was in an envelope and laid it among the flowers that adorned the top of her casket.

**A/N: These are mostly going to be short chapters. I wanted to give each member of the team their own so they won't be very long at all. **

**Please let me know if you want me to continue this or not. Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She watched as the next one of her friends stepped forward. Spencer Reid looked around at his friends, his family; with tears in his eyes as he began his letter.

'_Emily, I write you this as a way to tell you all the things I should have said before and didn't. I want to say thank you for being my friend. Thank you for enduring hours upon hours of foreign films with me. Thank you for being my Comic-Con buddy. Thank you for putting up with me when I would go off on one of my statistical and fact rants, as Morgan calls it. Thank you for being there for me when Gideon left. Thank you for helping me understand why I was the only one he wrote to. Thank you for not turning your back on me; for being there for me and helping me get through my addiction. _

_Without you I would not be here right now. You helped me when I thought there was no way out; you saved my life. I wish I could have done the same for you. I think the one thing I will miss the most is just knowing that you were there. My deepest regret is that I didn't get to tell you good-bye. I love you and will miss you dearly. Love Spencer.'_

She watched as her young friend put his envelope in with Ashley's before walking back to stand by Morgan. His shoulders hunched over as he cried; she cried with him.

She ached to comfort them. She would do anything to take away their pain. But there was nothing she could do without putting them all in danger. She would rather die for real then to ever put them in harm's way again. She could not, would not do that. She would suffer her hell alone. If the day came where she could come back, then she would spend the rest of her life making amends to them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She ached to comfort them. She would do anything to take away their pain. But there was nothing she could do without putting them all in danger. She would rather die for real then to ever put them in harm's way again. She could not, would not do that. She would suffer her hell alone. If the day came where she could come back, then she would spend the rest of her life making amends to them.

Penelope Garcia stepped forward. She was dressed all in black; so different from her usual vibrant wardrobe. Her heart ached with the loss of her friend. There was no bright make-up on her sweet face; only tears as they fell.

_My Sweetest Gumdrop, today I choose to write you this not as a good-bye but as a, 'Till I see you again' letter. I don't want to dwell on the sadness because it it just hurts too much. I choose to remember the good times we had together. I choose to remember the light that you brought to my life. I choose to remember you the way you were and not that you will no longer shine that bright light for all of us to see. _

_Do you remember our first girls' night out with JJ? We went to that bar and we were there maybe ten minutes; you came back from the bar with our drinks, 'Brad, the real FBI agent' in tow. The way you crushed him was priceless. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life. That night was the night I realized I had found a friend in you. That night I told you that you were in my top eight; but I should have told you that you had moved to my number one spot. Our night was short lived but I think it was one of the best nights I have ever had. It will not be the same without you here. _

_I remember all the pranks you would pull on Morgan and blame them on Reid. I can't believe they never figured it out. You were and will always and forever be my friend, my sister. My deepest regret is that I could not find you sooner. You will be forever missed. I love and miss you so much Gumdrop. Love Always, Pen._

She watched as Penelope put her envelope with the others and stepped back to stand on one side of Morgan. She watched the usually giddy woman as she crumbled emotionally; she wanted nothing more than to run to her and tell her everything was okay. But she couldn't, she had to be strong to keep them safe. No matter the pain she was feeling now, it would all be worth it to keep them safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

She watched as Penelope put her envelope with the others and stepped back to stand on one side of Morgan. She watched the usually giddy woman as she crumbled emotionally; she wanted nothing more than to run to her and tell her everything was okay. But she couldn't, she had to be strong to keep them safe. No matter the pain she was feeling now, it would all be worth it to keep them safe.

She watched as her partner, her friend, her brother stepped forward. She could see the pain in his eyes even from where she sat in the darkness of the SUV. The darkness that had taken over her life.

Her body was already beginning to heal, but her soul… she didn't ever think ever would. She felt her soul was irrevocably damaged beyond repair. It had been three weeks since she 'died'. They had waited to have her funeral until her mother was able to back to the country; she was told this by her handler. Not even the death of her only child could make that woman put politics aside. At the last minute the Ambassador decided not to come to come to the funeral; had said it was just too painful and maybe it was, but no one could tell by the icy exterior of the woman. She hadn't even waited to go back to the Middle East, she had gone back the after she had returned to the States. She knew her mother was heartless but she thought that her death might have struck a little emotion from her; yet again the woman had let her down.

Derek Morgan stood there staring down at the box where his friend laid. Yes it was a beautiful casket Hotch had picked out for her; but in the end it was still just a box that would forever hold the remains of his partner, his friend, his sister.

'Emily, There are so many things I should say right now, like how I should have kicked your ass until you told me what was going on. But I won't. I won't because in the end it wouldn't have mattered. You still would have chosen to do it your way. I understand now why you did it and I find a little peace in knowing that you only wanted to protect us. To keep us safe; thank you for that, your sacrifice for us will not go unnoticed by any of us. I am trying to remember the good times we had, sometimes it's hard I won't lie about that.

I don't know if you knew or not but you have always been an inspiration to me and I am sorry I never told you that. You leave me wanting to be a better agent, a stronger agent; a better man. In my weakest moments you and Pen have been my rocks, keeping me strong and not letting me break. You always had my back; I'm sorry that I didn't have yours. You listened to me when I told you about Carl Buford; you didn't judge or make me feel any less that what I am. You told me it wasn't my fault and that I was stronger now that I took back that control from him. I knew you were right. You always were. You were and always will be my partner, my friend, my sister. I love and miss you sis. Say hi to my dad for me. Love you always Princess, Derek.

P.S. I still want to know what a 'Sin to win weekend is.'

She watched as her friend put his envelope with the others and then placed his hand on top of the coffin. She watched as as he cried for her before he pulled his hand away and moved back over to Penelope and Reid. Standing between the two; he reaches for their hands and holds on tight. She knew he needed that link to help him stay strong.

One by one her friends, her family were telling her good-bye; and with each one she would say a little prayer for them. A prayer to help them heal. A prayer for them not to be broken inside. A prayer for them to one day understand and forgive her for all the pain she was causing them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

One by one her friends, her family were telling her good-bye; and with each one she would say a little prayer for them. A prayer to help them heal. A prayer for them not to be broken inside. A prayer for them to one day understand and forgive her for all the pain she was causing them.

Jennifer Jareau stepped forward with tears streaming down her face. She had lost her best friend, her partner in crime, her sister. She was lost.

'Em, There are no words to express how I feel. I'm lost here without you. I can't believe I have lost two sisters in my lifetime. My heart hurts Em. How are we supposed to go on without you? I haven't found the courage to tell Henry that his favorite aunt is gone. How do I tell him? I'm going to miss our girls' night out. I'm going to miss shopping together. I'm going to miss our team movie nights in the conference room. I'm going to miss your sense of humor.

I never thanked you for giving me the push I needed to go after what I wanted with Will, thank you for that. It seems like I left so many things left unsaid. I took it for granted that you would always be here when I needed you. Now it seems to be too little, too late. I'm sorry I didn't realize that you needed me. I'm sorry that I hadn't been a better friend to you. If I had you would be here. You would have been able to come to me for help.

I'm going to miss seeing you every day. I'm going to miss being able to pick up the phone and call you at any given time and have you answer. But most of all, I'm going to miss you. I miss you and I love you more than I can put in to words. You will always be in my heart. Miss you much and love you always, Jen.'

She watched her dearest friend place her letter with the others. She watched JJ kiss her fingertips before placing them on the casket. She held them there for a long moment before going back to Will and crying in his arms.

Her tears fell in earnest as she watched each of her friends, one by one, fall apart. She couldn't control the sobs as they wreaked havoc over her. She had do this to them. The strongest people she knew; she had reduced them to this. She would never forgive herself for the torture she was putting them through. Whether they ever did didn't matter, she would never, could never forgive herself for this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Her tears fell in earnest as she watched each of her friends, one by one, fall apart. She couldn't control the sobs as they wreaked havoc over her. She had do this to them. The strongest people she knew; she had reduced them to this. She would never forgive herself for the torture she was putting them through. Whether they ever did didn't matter, she would never, could never forgive herself for this.

She watched as David Rossi stepped forward next. His head hung down; shoulders slumped. The man who had become like a father to her, stood there and she watched as he lifted his head; his face showed his pain. She watched as he straightened his posture; squaring his shoulders, taking control over his emotions before he began to read his letter.

'_Hey Kiddo, Where ever you are I pray that you are at peace and can see how much you are loved and missed. March seventh our family lost one of their own. We all know it can happen at any given time; we just never thought it would ever happen to one of us. Over the years you have been my friend, my confidant and my daughter. If I had had a daughter I would have wanted her to be just like you. I wish I would have told you that when I had the chance. We as a people, tend to take for granted what we have until it is too late. I am one of those people, when it comes to the people closest to me; I always take it that they will be here long after I am gone. I take from this tragedy to not let a day go by without telling my family that I love them. _

_A parent is not supposed to outlive their child, but here I am burying my daughter. My heart hurts for the 'what could have been' that you will no longer experience. You were meant for greatness Emily. You were meant to be a wife and mother, meant to have love in your life. You had greatness, but there was so much more ahead of you. My biggest regret is not for me but for you, it is that you never got a chance to finally know what it was like to have a child of your own. You will never get the chance to watch that child grow up and make their own mistakes. Never get to see your child graduate, or get married, or have children of their own. _

_I miss you already. Who will keep me from drinking myself in to a stupor or at least join me when I do. You were good at keeping me grounded, keeping me from falling into the dark abyss that we see every day. You fought that abyss, never letting it draw you in. You kept the darkness at bay for all of us. You showed us the light when we were swimming and drowning in that darkness. You never let us drown, always there to pull us back in to your light. You, Kiddo, were that for everyone who knew you. You were their light, their beacon in the night. You are loved and missed and no one will ever come close to that place in my heart that I have just for you. Until we meet again my dear, Love you always Kiddo, Dave.'_

She watched as he placed his letter with the rest, saw the tears drip from his face on to her casket and with that she was broken just a little more. How could she have done this to them? How could she have broken their spirits? The people she says she loves, how she could she tear their world apart? She now wished she hadn't lived through any of this. She wished she had died, just so she wouldn't have to witness the heartache that she herself has caused.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

She watched as he placed his letter with the rest, saw the tears drip from his face on to her casket and with that she was broken just a little more. How could she have done this to them? How could she have broken their spirits? The people she says she loves, how she could she tear their world apart? She now wished she hadn't lived through any of this. She wished she had died, just so she wouldn't have to witness the heartache that she herself has caused.

She watched as the last of her friends; the man, who had come to mean so much to her, stepped forward. His face was somber; eyes were haggard with dark circles beneath them. His face looked thinner, his cheeks sunken in. His eyes, she would never forget the grief they held.

He stood there beneath the dreary sky, and as he began to speak the rain started to fall. Large drops sprinkled over them in a steady drizzle. It was as if her tears had taken to the sky to wash over them, trying to bring them a semblance of comfort. In that moment, Aaron Hotchner felt it too, like a whisper of her breath upon his skin, and he broke just a little bit more. His stoic facade faltering; for the briefest moment, as he felt the drops roll down his cheeks. Not sure if it was the rain or his own tears, as they slid down to fall helplessly to the ground below.

'_Emily, I choose today to leave you with this poem I once read. _

_I'll lend you for a little while  
A child of mine, God said  
For you to love the while she lives  
And mourn for when she's dead  
It may be six or seven years,  
Or forty-two or three  
But will you, till I call her back  
Take care of her for me?_

_She'll bring her charms to gladden you  
And - should her stay be brief,  
You'll have her lovely memories  
As a solace for your grief  
I cannot promise she will stay  
For all from earth returns  
But there are lessons taught below  
I want this child to learn._

_I've looked the whole world over  
In my search for teachers true  
And from all beings that crowd life's land  
I have chosen you  
Now, will you give her all your love  
Nor think the labor vain.  
Nor hate me when I come to take  
This lent child back again_

_I fancied that I heard you say  
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done.  
For all the joys Thy child will bring  
The risk of grief we'll run  
We will shelter her with tenderness  
We'll love her while we may -  
And for the happiness we have now know  
Forever grateful stay."_

_But should the angels come for her  
Much sooner than we'd planned,  
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes  
And try to understand_

Emily it was an honor and a privilege to work with you. You became the heart and soul of this team; always holding us together. You became the glue, the backbone; keeping us strong in your unfaltering faith in us. The day you turned in your resignation instead of being Strauss' mole; I knew then that I could trust you to protect this team. I knew then your loyalty ran deep. Now it is too late to tell you how great a person I thought you were. I'm sorry you will never know how much you meant to us. I'm sorry that we were not there when you needed us; that I wasn't there when you needed me the most.

You were always there for us no matter what it was for. Your devotion to us was never ending and the fact that we are standing here today shows us just how devoted you were. Your sacrifice for us will forever live in my heart.

You will forever be a part of this team, this family. You will forever be missed, forever loved by all of us. Love Always, Aaron.'

She watched as the man she had grown to love placed his letter among the others. She could see the redness of his eyes; and she cried for a love that never was. Cried for the man she would probably never see again. Cried for what could have been and cried for what would never be.

She watched as her family circled around her coffin and laid their roses on top. She watched as they walked away through the tombstones, away from her, all except one. Aaron lingered by her grave and cried, alone in the desolate cemetery. Emily ached to go to him, to show him she was alive. She longed to hold him and take away his hurt. She couldn't, she couldn't allow them to know. It was too dangerous for them and if she had to be gone for them to be safe then that was a sacrifice she could easily make.

She watched as he sank to the wet ground beside her coffin, leaning his head against as he continued to cry for her. He sat there for a long moment before he stood and reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, pulling out another envelope and something she could not tell what it was. He placed them on top and talked to her as he cried still.

Dave came back for him, said something to him that she wish could hear; before leading him the way the others had gone.

She sat there for a few minutes waiting to make sure all had left. While she waited she scribbled on a sheet of paper.

She got out of the SUV and walked across the grass to where her casket sat. She stepped closer and picked up all the letters, reading each one as they were read to her. Starting with Ashley's and not stopping until after she read Aaron's. Her heart was broken, never had she felt a pain so deep. She turned to leave when she saw the other envelope Aaron he laid on top of the roses the team had placed there last. She picked it up and opened it, pulling out the letter she began to read.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

She got out of the SUV and walked across the grass to where her casket sat. She stepped closer and picked up all the letters, reading each one as they were read to her. Starting with Ashley's and not stopping until after she read Aaron's. Her heart was broken, never had she felt a pain so deep. She turned to leave when she saw the other envelope Aaron he laid on top of the roses the team had placed there last. She picked it up and opened it, pulling out the letter she began to read.

'_My Dearest Emily, There are so many things I wish I would have told you while you were here. Like how much I respect you, and value you for all that you have done for me. After Haley, you gave me back the will to live. You gave me the courage to be a better father, a better man. You opened my eyes to a world of possibilities. You gave me the strength to love again. You have always had this way about you that just drew people in. Me included. You are my one regret in this life. I regret never telling you how I feel about you. I regret being too scared to take that step; of being scared of the rejection that could come with opening myself up to you._

_I am going to miss your laugh, your smile, and your eyes. The way they sparkle when you are happy. I always longed to be the one to make your eyes sparkle like that. I am going to miss seeing you in the office every day. I am going to miss seeing you period. You have been a light in my life, my source of sanity. You kept me from going over that edge in to the darkness that surrounds us. _

_I will always be grateful for the time I had with you. I will always be grateful to have had you in my life for the little time I had you for. I will always be grateful for you. I love you more than I could ever say. I would trade places with you for just one more chance to tell you that. You are missed so much more than I ever thought I could miss someone. With all my love forever more, Aaron.'_

Emily put the letter back into the envelope, and then pulled out the other item that was in the envelope. It was a necklace with a small heart shaped locket on it. She opened the locket and there inside sat two pictures. One of Jack and one of Aaron, smiling back at her. She put the necklace on and the locket came to rest on her chest, under her shirt, where her heart was beating rapidly. She clung to the letters, the last thing to hold her to this world, she cried for a few minutes until the voice of her handler called to her from the SUV, telling her they had to go. Before she turned to go she placed the note she scribbled, under the roses on the casket. She didn't know how she had written it and hid it beneath the flowers without her handler seeing her, but she did. Then again she had been trained well so maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise. She took the top rose off the casket, the one she had seen Aaron place there, and headed back towards the SUV. Back to where she didn't have an identity, where she didn't have anything.

Aaron walked back through the cemetery towards Emily's grave. He wanted to get the letters and keep them, the last thing he could hold onto. Maybe it would help him find solace. He saw the woman walking away from a grave near Emily's; her blonde hair blowing in the slight breeze. Her walk was familiar but he couldn't place her. The only blondes he knew were waiting for him on the other side of the cemetery. He blew it off as a coincidence.

He made it back to her grave to find the letters gone. The small canopy that covered the coffin would have kept them dry but it would have done nothing to keep them from blowing away if the wind picked up. He looked around on the ground but found nothing. He heard the SUV door close behind the blonde. He looked up at the noise and felt a pang in his heart; he didn't know where that had come from. He looked back over the casket and saw a sliver of paper sticking out from under the roses. He pulled out the folded sheet of paper and saw his name written on the outside in a hand writing he knew by heart. He opened it and saw the familiar handwriting of Emily Prentiss. It was short but it left him with hope in his heart.

'_I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for what I have to do. I love you. Love always and forever, E.'_

He looked up as the SUV pulled away. "Emily." He whispered out in to the air.


End file.
